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all knots in here

over the last few months i’ve attempted to ignore a little war going on in my body. one in which i deny some pain, an ache or two here or there, and push through a difficult run thinking tomorrow will be better. surely a glitch, a fluke, not a real problem. and so i did what most runners do: i waited it out. ran through it. assumed time would heal whatever was ailing me.

but it lingered. the pain. a few weeks ago i realized my running had come to a halt. it hurt. and it was hard. exceptionally hard. painfully, embarrassingly hard.

i mean, i finished an ironman a year ago and now i can barely run three measly miles? and that was a good day.

desperate for help and my personal choice of therapy back {with a minor sidenote that i’m registered for a december marathon to attempt my 2013 resolution!!}…the reality is: i need to get running. after a three-week series of structural realignment sessions and physical therapy i realize that it’s all knots in here! i’m learning how much tension was held in my body. how my body had compensated for weak or undeveloped muscles by relying on and overusing others. knots of tension and scar tissue held captive deep inside connective tissues.

i realized how very strong i was in some areas and how shockingly weak i was in others. with isolated movements i couldn’t find the strength to lift my own leg off the floor.

enduring the painful process of stripping those connective tissues and dissolving scar tissue proved a very simple truth: when we’re all knotted up we’ve got to dig in and go deep. we have to find the source buried deep within and address it, or we’ll subconsciously find ways to compensate until we’re so messed up we don’t run anymore. we have to discover and correct the imbalanced patterns we created to survive that are causing lasting injury to our selves.

we might become prideful or bitter, harsh or cruel…perhaps insecure or fearful, untrusting or sad…we may lash out, or pull in…connect, or withdraw…we might turn to addictions or idols or fall away from our faith entirely. when there’s a knot, when we hurt, we compensate. other muscles take over. scar tissue builds. our flexibility, speed, balance and endurance are compromised and we suffer injury.

we’re connected – this body. the mind…the spirit…the physical shell in which we live. the community of friends we choose. we’re one. and what happens to one affects the other. what happens to one affects the whole. and as surely as my physical body is all full of knots and wasn’t going to get better in denial, surely the same has been true of my mind and spirit. and ignoring the pain has never proved a successful outcome. it will not heal until it has taught us what we need to know. where we are weak, we will compensate to be strong, and that strength might be the very thing that brings you down. 

knots

as much as my body has been undergoing a structural realignment, so has my mind and spirit. summer has gifted our family with time, precious time. time away, time to reflect, time with family and dear friends to dig deep and find some knots. deep sources of tension and very old pain. enduring the process of honest and sometimes painful truths, strengths and weakness, and overcompensation. slowly destroying the knots: old, nasty scar tissue and replacing it with healthy truth. with life.

it had to be done. being silent, shoving emotion, denying or ignoring pain and pushing through were never going to cure what ailed me. now i’ve got a powerful team and we’re working out knots. mentally, physically and emotionally it’s working. we’re going to the source and i’m getting well. i’m healing. and you can too.

i want to encourage you to go to the source. if you have a tension in your life, your spirit, your physical body – don’t wait. don’t delude yourself like i did, thinking it will mend on it’s own. find the knots. endure the painful process of working them free. don’t ignore. don’t deny. don’t compensate. don’t compromise. do the work. you’ll be so glad you did.

xoxo

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{ 4 comments… add one }
  • Miette August 28, 2013, 4:03 am

    Beautiful.

  • patty moreno September 6, 2013, 6:23 am

    So well written, Tammy! I love the analogy.

    • Tammy September 14, 2013, 3:40 am

      thanks patty! honored to have you here! xoxo

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