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How to be Alone Without Feeling Lonely

I hardly recognize the girl I used to be. I think back and can vaguely remember a girl who was scared to be alone. A girl who didn’t know why a person would ever want to be alone; nor had the first clue how to be alone.

Nearly 20 years ago, after my first marriage and a rebound relationship ended, I was sitting on a bail of hay on my brother’s farm in northern Michigan. He was feeding the horses while I sat on the hay crying. What am I going to do? I asked through tears. I didn’t know how I was going to survive. The pain of these two relationships hit me at once. He was quiet.

Then he said: “You don’t know how to be alone. You’ve never been alone.”

Sadly, he was right. Up until that point I had never been alone. I was afraid to be alone. Deep down, I believed it meant no one wanted to be with me.

I couldn’t have imagined how much I would fall in love with, and how very much I would learn to crave, solitude. How much I would learn in the stillness and silence of my own inner voice.

Alone without Lonley BQ

All those years ago, on a hay bail in northern Michigan, I made a pact with myself that I would learn how to be alone. I had one year left in my detour through college to finish my degree. I decided after graduation I would take a trip. Alone.

I chose Europe. For six weeks.

Just a Eurorail pass and a backpack I set out on a six-week adventure that took me through Germany, Switzerland, Italy, Austria, Holland and Belgium. All by myself. I didn’t make a reservation or a plan, I just went. I don’t know how my parents let me do it, but they did. I don’t think I would’ve listened had they said no. I was ready to find myself and I knew I needed to go far away to do it.

The experience had it’s intended effect: I came back changed.

No longer a girl afraid of her own voice I learned to trust my intuition, listen to my heart, keep my mind open, discover new experiences, search for things I love, and find comfort in the silence of my own spirit.

It was the best six weeks of my life. The most amazing things happen when you’re alone. People see you. You stand out when you’re alone, and incredible things can happen. While in Italy I was noticed by a local woman at the train station who invited me to dinner in her home. She took me shopping in the markets, introduced me to a local farmer where we spent an afternoon shaking mandarin trees, eating mandarins and reading poetry while looking out at the Ligurian sea. The farmer invited me to a private dinner party of 5 Italian couples where we ate fish they caught in the sea, drank limoncino he made from his own lemons, and fresh pesto from his olive trees. She made me a beautiful breakfast the morning I left Cinque Terre.

These incredible experiences happened because I was alone.

HowToBeAloneWithoutBeingLonelyBlogPic

If you’re afraid to go out by yourself, here are a few simple ways to learn how to be alone, without feeling lonely.

1. Set a goal.

Decide that you will go out alone once/month. It can be a coffee shop, out for dinner, even a little wine bar. If you’re nervous you’ll be spotted by someone you know and feel uncomfortable, choose a little restaurant out of the way or in a neighboring town. It’s not to hide away, you’re just learning to be comfortable by yourself. Eventually you’ll be fine going anywhere.

2. Bring a journal.

One of my absolute most treasured things are my journals from Europe. I had one with me everywhere and I journaled the entire trip: who I met, what I ate, what I saw on the trains, in the streets, what I was thinking, processing, learning while I went. Today these journals and memories are precious to me. They mark a time of transition in my life – the time I moved from afraid to brave.

3. Bring a book.

If you’re totally nervous and uncomfortable this is a great distraction while you wait for your meal or drink. Just promise you’ll put it down at some point and look around. Being alone offers you a great opportunity to see others. When we’re in a group or with another we typically don’t see the people around us. Alone, you see everything happening around you. You see joy, celebration, sadness, and need. Look up from your book and see the life that goes on when we’re not looking. You’ll be amazed.

4. Talk to yourself.

The only time on my backpack trip through Europe that I felt sad and lonely was in Venice. Nestled in the city of love, I sat in a little Italian restaurant filled with tables for two. Every table lovers, smiling, holding hands and excitedly talking about their day. It was the first time in a month that I felt lonely while alone. I remember finishing dinner and walking out to the pier, leaning on the railing and letting a tear roll down my cheek. I felt sad, but I was okay. I reminded myself that I was learning so much during this time of solitude so that I could be a better friend to myself and a better partner for my future husband. That in learning to love myself first, I would find someone who could love me better. Give yourself permission to be sad if you are. Be lonely, if you are. The feeling is just a feeling and it won’t hurt you. Soon the feeling will pass and you’ll write it in your journal and learn something about yourself that perhaps you never knew.

Being alone doesn’t have to feel lonely. Now, being alone is one of my most favorite things. It’s the time I am able to be still and quiet, and hear my true inner voice. It’s one of the ways I connect with peace. With the truth I’m often too busy to hear during the normal course of my day.

Get out of your comfort zone. Practice courage. Nurture solitude. I pray you discover it to be as healing and liberating as I did.


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{ 62 comments… add one }
  • Kristin Ludwig November 12, 2013, 7:13 am

    I love this. I, too, was never alone. Jumping from relationship to relationship, sometimes, starting one before the other ended. Filling time with warm bodies, feeling lonely and not even realizing it. Years passed and I figured out who I was, what I stood for and the NEED to be with someone lifted. Like a dense fog, I was free. I loved being alone, there was so much to do and see. Never bored. Living my own agenda. Answering only to me. I have never met a self confident person that didn’t like being alone. It is a value I look for in a friend and a trait I am teaching my kids: Love yourself enough to be alone with your own thoughts.

    • Tammy November 13, 2013, 4:12 am

      amen kristin. it’s the greatest gift we can give our kids.

  • Krista November 12, 2013, 7:41 am

    Just read this today, “The antidote to the motion sickness of our souls is stillness, the ancient art of just being still. Does the caterpillar climb into the chrysalis and work really hard at becoming a butterfly? No, the caterpillar becomes motionless, and the transformation takes place.”
    I love that you took your brother’s comment and used it to grow yourself instead of choosing hardness of heart. A beautiful picture of a someone willing to be transformed!

    • Tammy November 13, 2013, 4:16 am

      stillness. yes. there is so much peace in stillness. and in a family of shameless truth tellers you learn to glean the lesson from the criticism – transform or be killed by the truth! 😉 hahaha!

    • Jen Smith January 31, 2015, 12:53 am

      “The antidote to the motion sickness of our souls is stillness, the ancient art of just being still.”

      Beautiful quote! So true, whether one is alone or not.

  • Julie November 12, 2013, 9:45 pm

    What a beautiful message that resonates very deeply … thank you for sharing. Reminds me of a quote I once heard … you will not feel lonely when you love the person you are alone with … yourself.

    • Tammy November 13, 2013, 4:16 am

      mmmm, yes. love the one you’re with. thank you julie.

  • Kelly @ IdealistMom.com November 15, 2013, 1:30 am

    I was so scared to live alone after my divorce. Loved your story. This is such an important thing to learn as a woman. Thank you for this.

    • Tammy January 16, 2014, 5:34 pm

      thank you kelly! i was too. but it’s so freeing when you finally get to the place where you like your own company! 🙂

  • Beth November 22, 2013, 7:04 pm

    Love Facebook! — it highlighted your page today and I found my way here. This post stood out as I’m in a new season of being alone. My husband has deployed for the next way too many months but I’m approaching this season knowing God is going to do some great things during this time apart. I loved your point on talk to yourself! Good stuff! Happy to be here. Many blessings.

    • Tammy January 16, 2014, 5:36 pm

      i’m so happy you’re here beth! praying for you to use this time apart to grow your love of yourself. it’s the greatest gift we give ourselves, our husbands and our children when we know & like who we are. blessings to you – so happy to have you here.

  • Lynn January 16, 2014, 10:21 am

    Hi Tammy,
    I am terrified of being alone. I am 25 years old and have been with my highschool sweetheart for almost 10 years on&off. I love our effortless relationship and how comfortable we are together but find myself questioning my future. He is my bestfriend and makes me feel whole but there is a void in my life. I am eager for freedom, passion, and travel. We have already broken up once before and have since gotten back together but I feel like we both are just dependent on eachother to survive in this world. I am so scared to break his heart and mine in the process of finding myself. What is my next step?

    • Tammy January 16, 2014, 5:32 pm

      oh lynn, what a hard question! but it sounds like you already know in your heart what you need to do for yourself and for him. i truly believe whatever is meant to be will be… and you can never get this time back. the freedom you have at your age, without kids… oh how i wish i had done even more! follow your heart and what it tells you is right. finding & knowing yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself, your future husband and your future children. be brave! {{hugs}}

  • Judy January 21, 2014, 2:30 am

    What an amazingly beautiful story! My is similar, I lost my husband of 47 years to cancer a year ago this month and like you I was afraid and lonely and I didn’t know what I was going to do alone. One day I finally pulled myself up and made a plan. I sold my house to my son and his wife, I bought a new truck and I went on a treasure hunt for a vintage camper and I found one eleven hours from my house near Atlanta, GA, it was in Lafayette, LA. It is an Airstream Argosy, I fully restored it and made it as livable as any home. I painted it cream on the top and light pink on the top and named her Blossom. I hitched my truck, who is Pearl cause she is, to Blossom and we moved to Mexico Beach, Florida, we are only minutes from the most beautiful beach in the world. I am so blessed and I love living alone. Every word you have said here is so true. I am 67 years old and if I can do it anybody can. God bless you all!

    • Tammy January 21, 2014, 7:38 am

      oh judy i LOVE this story!! what an amazing inspiration you are!

    • Deborah May 6, 2015, 7:38 am

      freedom is a beautiful thing too your* your story gives me courage*I am going to take that first step of faith and get busy living the rest of this wonderful life im blessed with. Thanks for the encouraging words

      • Tammy May 6, 2015, 12:45 pm

        Oh Deborah I’m so glad to hear it! You go girl. You’ve got this. Cheering you on!!

  • cindie January 24, 2014, 10:32 am

    Really lovely….I never had problems doing things on my own. I think I got used to it through shopping–I found these great enclaves as a teenager…got myself a job in a high-end shoe store at age 16…work in the Empire State Building as a senior in h.s.. As a social butterfly, I love hanging with people, but due to sponteneity and original thinking, I’ll do it on my own…yet sometimes miss the social element.
    I do sometimes wonder if doing things alone is because you’re too ‘loserish’ to do it with people–I guess that’s the extrovert in me–remember the Friends clip when Rachel goes out alone? On the other hand, I’m a tres cool chick with very live, fast and active being–sometimes being with myself is more fun than anyone! (-Until I find more anyone’s like that)
    Rock on..

    • Tammy February 28, 2014, 5:28 am

      what an awesome story cindie! it sounds like you’ve always been okay & actually thrived being alone, i think that’s an incredible gift. i had to learn it much later in life, but i wouldn’t change it! blessings!

  • Colleen February 7, 2014, 4:18 am

    Hi, Tammy. I felt like I was reading from a kindred spirit here. I write about following the inner voice as well at writingandwellness.com, and I’m also in Idaho, though at the south side of the state! I too have spent treasured time alone since my last serious relationship fell apart, and like you, so enjoy the discovery of that experience. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    • Tammy February 7, 2014, 4:27 am

      thanks colleen! so happy to have you here. i love kindred spirits. 🙂

  • Chrissy March 10, 2014, 8:44 am

    I feel that maybe you did not master aloneness, but maybe independence.
    I feel ‘alone’ is: at 60yrs, with a old mother of 90yrs, 1000klms away , a daughter 30yr 1000klms away in another direction loving her life in a small mining community, a divorce and rebound relationship ended, a shift 1000klms away from my small town (where gossip flies), friends left behind, all couples who are still doing couple things, they like me but, their lives are busy, i have no brothers or sisters, cousins i don’t like yuk. Now i am out on some branch…. hanging somewhere … trying to rebuild new friends after a rebound relationship of 1 yr didn’t work, after the 30yr marriage to verbal abusive man, didn’t work….. feeling alone in this world…. and had a gut full. You having parents and a brother….. still allows an anchor in the back ground…a family home…. ANY suggestions….FOR ME.
    Please don’t tell me God, my last relationship he was Christian, i had more Christian morals and ethics… any other suggestions on how to take away the pain of ‘alone in the world’?

    • Tammy March 10, 2014, 10:18 pm

      Oh Chrissy I am sorry you are in a season of feeling alone in the world. I remember a season of life like that. You see no family is ever perfect or quite what we want it to be. There was a period of about 3 years I was very isolated. It was a time of deep introspection, learning to listen to my own voice and find comfort in who I was without anyone else around. Pushing myself beyond what was comfortable – learning, growing, setting goals and chasing after them. I would agree, it was to a large degree independence, but I absolutely crave and need alone time too. I believe God does bring us through seasons when there is something for us to learn. A way for us to grow deeper and more dependent on Him. I encourage you to spend time looking in – finding the things that make you uniquely beautiful and celebrating them – and seeking out new friendships and relationships in the things that bring you joy. Try a painting or dance class! Learn how to play the piano or something else you always wished you had done but didn’t have the time or energy. Focus on you, on growing and learning and living in the beautiful way God made you, and good things will come. Praying for you…

  • Liz April 1, 2014, 7:52 pm

    I really don’t like myself and I have a hard time sitting alone with me. I’m pretty useless as I am not pretty, I’m handicapped, I have been a widow for 9 years and I’m 63 years old. I don’t want to be in another relationship as my husband was my soulmate and I would always be comparing if I was in a relationship and that wouldn’t be fair. I am in psychotherapy and have been for many, many years I am also medicated for other issues. My question is how can I learn to like myself? I can’t even look at myself in a mirror. When I comb my hair I only look at the hair. I am struggling with poor self image. I feel as though everyone else thinks I’m ugly too.

    • Tammy April 6, 2014, 11:19 pm

      Oh Liz. I can hear the pain in your words. And I wish I had something to offer, to help you heal or convince you of your beauty and worth…but only God can reach in to your story and speak truth to your soul. Soothe the places that ache with longing and the desire to be seen and known. I know that He sees you and He loves you with a measureless love. You are so beautiful to Him. You are close in my thoughts & prayers and I pray that you seek Him with all your heart. He will be found by you. {hugs}

  • Lauren April 21, 2014, 3:32 pm

    I could not have read this at a more crucial time. I am 27 and have never struggled more with being alone. My thoughts are consumed with finding someone to share life with and I never enjoy myself or my time. I am a broken soul and wish I could find the strength like you did. It is my biggest prayer. Most days, I wake up crying and go to bed crying. I feel like I am not worthy of love. I have never been more unhappy in my life.

    • Tammy April 22, 2014, 12:20 am

      Oh Lauren. I feel the heaviness of your heart and want you to know you are worthy. You have always been worthy, you will always be worthy. You were made worthy. Turn to the One who knows the desires of your heart and longs to give them to you. You are held so close in thought & prayer. {{hugs}}

  • Lindsey April 24, 2014, 3:52 pm

    I’m glad I came across your website today, so many helpful words! I just recently got out of a serious relationship. I thought it was headed towards marriage, but unfortunately, he had been unfaithful for a long period of time and I only recently found out. My biggest challenge (aside from the obvious hurt) has been getting over the fear of being alone again. I have had those seasons in my life before and I have been comfortable with being alone, but this time seems like a bigger challenge than in the past. I’ve been praying that God will help me be patient and get through this until he finds the *right* man for me!

    • Tammy April 24, 2014, 8:00 pm

      I’m so sorry Lindsey, that is a difficult betrayal to bear. Praying for you to find patience and peace as you sort out all that has happened and find yourself again. Lean on Him and trust in His timing, He wants only the best for you, His daughter. {hugs}

  • Bellaboo May 17, 2014, 1:26 am

    Right now I’m getting in that stage where I have never been, I have been used to having someone with for 9 yrs.. Well today my world has crush. I had to let him go. I dont know what to do, he was my bf my only friend. And now I’m scared to enter the world alone… Help:/

    • Tammy May 18, 2014, 7:45 am

      Oh sweet thing. You are never alone. Let God use this time to nurture your soul and bring you close to Him & His goodness. All you have to do is take one step. And then take another. Praying for you. xoxo

  • Jess May 28, 2014, 2:18 pm

    Great story. I’ve just left a relationship that’s been going on for 6 years. I feel alone but I know I shouldn’t look for another relationship. I always wanted to leave my town but it just doesn’t seem simple enough. I’m to afraid of something going wrong because I tend to make a lot of mistakes. I always have an urge to leave. I’m tired of a lot in my birth place and I tried keeping myself busy by holding down two jobs. However, I’m even more afraid to run into him. I’m constantly worrying and frustrated because I feel like I want to leave so I can heal. But I haven’t gotten my car yet and money and bills keep me from believing I can ever be free from this feeling. I’m torn apart and it’s really taking a toll on me. I don’t know what to do and how to do it. Can you help me?

    • Tammy May 29, 2014, 4:40 am

      Jess it sounds like you need to sit quietly & breathe. To find stillness so you can hear your own inner voice and what it is calling out in you, for you. Seek Him, read His word, listen for His quiet voice. Believe He will meet you in your fear and in the dark and lonely places. Praying for you. xo

  • Rose August 1, 2014, 7:14 pm

    Thank you for helping me to see that it can be done. I am going through a divorce after 32 years of marriage and this is something I want very much for myself. It was very encouraging for me to read about your experience. Thank you again. Rose

  • Zoe September 9, 2014, 5:52 pm

    I truly enjoyed reading this. I am now a junior in college and just got out of a four year relationship with my high-school sweetheart. I have been a reck these last couple of weeks, because before this I have never truly been alone. I always had a boyfriend during high-school even before I met my ex. Ive had a difficult time adjusting to the single life and being alone, especially with not having a lot of friends at my college.

    • Tammy September 10, 2014, 7:43 pm

      Oh Zoe, I remember feeling exactly where you are. Take one step. And then another. Soon you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come. Praying for you. xo

  • Amanda September 13, 2014, 8:08 pm

    I saw your website and wanted to say thank you. I’m 34 and am working on being alone.
    I’ve always been around people. I guess I’ve always been scared to be alone. Feel like I’m always being judged. But I’m trying to work on being alone. I’ve never really had any friends to hangout or confide in.
    If you could give me some more suggestions , that would be helpful.

    Thank you

    • Tammy September 14, 2014, 3:19 pm

      Oh Amanda. I pray that as you learn to be alone you will find that you truly are your best friend. And when you begin to know and love yourself better you will find the friend your heart longs for now. One step at a time. There are so many blog posts on my website that I hope will give you courage. Look around and if not send me some questions and I’ll be happy to write some new ones geared right where you are. Praying for you. xo

  • wordpress.com October 5, 2014, 10:30 am

    Wow, superb blog format! How long have you been blogginhg for?
    you made running a blog look easy. The overall glance of your website is great, as smartly
    as thee content!

  • Jae October 5, 2014, 3:23 pm

    Thank you for writing this!! I’ve finally, at the age of 56, accepted my introversion. I relish my quiet time, my alone time. It’s been a process not an event. I often struggled with my identity, of finding my TRUE self and yes, it takes courage…but so worth the investment of being comfortable in my own skin. I’m not done, and perhaps it will take a lifetime but in this one area, of introversion, I have finally found peace.

  • Michelle October 14, 2014, 11:24 am

    Amazing how He always leads us where we should go, when we take the time to listen & follow. Your story is inspiring to me as I’ve always enjoyed being alone until the last year when I’ve been debilitated with health issues & as a result severe depression. I now have overwhelming anxiety of being alone – I can’t cope with my hubby going to work or my 2 children even going to school. Like you I look in the mirror & don’t know who I see anymore. It’s beyond comprehension to me but affecting us all so much. I’ve just spent 7 weeks away in hospital getting therapy & thought I was much better. After only 2 weeks home my doctor & husband agree I need to go back as I’ve deteriorated. I’m praying & seeking Him daily & know I have many people praying for me too – I don’t know what the lesson is or the refining, but I’m in the wilderness & its a scary place to be. Some days I’m so distraught I can’t even string a prayer together. After reading your post I’m inspired to be still & try hard to learn to be alone again, instead of resisting so hard. I know not else what to do?

    • Tammy October 15, 2014, 5:14 am

      Praying for you Michelle. That He will meet you in the stillness and give you the strength to stand. The courage to fight for the woman you are and claim the life you were made to live. I’m believing it FOR you, until you can believe it for yourself. Blessings to you. xo

  • Savanah October 17, 2014, 6:14 am

    I am so happy to read this honestly. I believe that i needed to read this at the right time. My whole life i have been broken up with and then i heal my wounds by falling for guys again and again. I have a great life though. Lots of friends and family thats surround me. I play sports and have plenty of distractions but i cant help but feel the intense disappointment with my parents when they hear that im with yet another guy… Months go by and im broken again. I cant figure out why a guy is what makes me feel complete… Ive tried being alone and happy but im at a loss. It really helped knowing that other people go through what i go through. Thanks for this!
    -Savanah

    • Tammy October 17, 2014, 8:11 pm

      Savanah you might want to read my post on how to find the man of your dreams! This post is the first brave step. 🙂 Blessings to you! xo

  • Ashley October 26, 2014, 8:03 am

    Im 23 years old, a single mom.. I just moved from New Hampshire to California, as I had so many major things going on. I had just ended a relationship that meant so much to me, I was diagnosed with Huntingtons Disease, and many other things were happening all at once in my life. I got very depressed living with only my daughter in my first apartment, all alone with no support to help cope with the news of my disease I had just heard. I guess you can say I gave up, or I ran away from my problems but I’ve noticed I left because I was mainly lonely and had no idea how to deal with the breakup even more than finding out about the disease I had. I felt like everything would be okay if I had him by myside and ai could make the most of life with him and my daughter for as long as I can before I get sick. I just recently found my biological family, and figured why not move to CA and start over with them and maybe time will heal my relationship. I’ve struggled since the day I got here to let the whole relationship thing not bother me. But after reading this, I know that I am doing the right thing out here. I need to be okay with being alone, focus on my health and my daughter and everything else will fall into place. Thank you for your wonderful post, as it really honestly helped me. I’ve been looking for ways to get ahold of myself and absolutely nothing has helped until I read this and realized I need to be alright being alone out here.

    • Tammy October 26, 2014, 4:23 pm

      Oh Ashley. I’m honored to be any small part of you finding the strength and courage to follow your own heart. Praying for you! xo

  • Allix January 19, 2015, 3:03 pm

    I wanted to share with you that this blog entry helped me more than you’ll ever know. A year ago, I found myself starting over. I ended a toxic 5 year relationship. I said goodbye to my stepdaughter, loving in-laws, and life as I knew it. I was fine through the moving process because there was so much activity of packing, unpacking, hauling, shouting which boxes go where. The normal hustle and bustle that goes with packing up your previous home. It wasn’t until my family and friends left me to continue with their own lives that it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was alone. Yes, you’ll always have that friend you can visit, or call your mom to talk, but they can’t be there 24/7. Ultimately, I was alone. I filled my next week with a lot of crying. I tried being productive by unpacking boxes into my cramped quarters, and working more to fill my endless day. Still, I felt alone. I’m not a depressed person, and hated myself for sulking, nonstop crying, and regretting the decisions I’d made the past 5 years. I decided to turn to scripture to pull me through this. No better time to need faith than at that moment. God was giving me a sign, and I didn’t want to shrug off the opportunities He was showing me. I spent hours searching online for scripts, bible studies, etc…and somehow came across your blog. I read it, and like I’d been doing every night, I cried. Not crying from being sad and alone. Crying because of the realization that you pointed out. I didn’t know how to be alone. WOW! How does one not know how to be alone? Everyone is alone at some point, right? Looking back on years and years, even before my previous relationship, I realized I was never alone. I filled my time with friends, “friends”, the majority which were co-dependant relationships. Meaningless relationships which ultimately felt lonely. Why? Why would I waste my time and energy on these? Because I didn’t know myself and didn’t know how to be alone.
    It was a long and hard road to be alone; figuring out how to do it by myself. I learned things about me that I didn’t know before because I spent all my time with other people rather than myself. I love to read-something I never really enjoyed before, or so I thought. I love to cook. I like to go out to eat by myself. I thrive on learning new things. The list continues. My point is I would have never known this without being alone. I, now, actually crave my solitude. Not every moment, but I appreciate the silence in which I can truly think and reflect without interruption. I’ve established new, healthy relationships that aren’t dependant on one another, but are based on interests, love, and respect. It’s an amazing feeling to not need someone for your lively hood, but because you want them there and vice versa.
    I want to thank you for sharing your story. If I never read your blog, I may not have the same outlook as what I do now. You’ve helped me move forward and to grow. I don’t know you personally, but your words have helped me infinitely and I will cherish them.

    • Tammy January 20, 2015, 7:51 pm

      Allix, your message is sweet encouragement to me. I’m so grateful to be part of such an incredible discovery for you personally. It’s such a beautiful process, learning to be alone and finding that you begin to actually like who you are. I’m so excited for you as you begin your life again in a new way, knowing you are your first best friend. Getting this message from you is such a gift. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Truly, I treasure it. Many blessings to you. xo

  • Brandy February 1, 2015, 8:35 pm

    I needed to hear this today. My husband is active duty and most days I am honestly too busy to ever feel lonely. Today has been 40 days since I’ve kissed his face and my teenagers are away overnight & boom I felt lonely… and for once I didn’t get up to be busy, I just felt lonely. So thank you for sharing your experience, this story made me smile and I will put that traveling alone thing on my bucket list bc that sounds liberating 🙂

  • owlwise February 10, 2015, 4:20 am

    This was a great post. I found that being alone is one of my favorite things. Of course I found it for reasons like getting toxic people away and also having time to widdle down my stresses to their root cause. Being alone actually gives me time to reboot from all the things that happen in a day.

  • Hector Z March 20, 2015, 7:03 pm

    even men are lonely. This helps thank you

  • Tori March 29, 2015, 5:43 am

    Hi Tammy, I love your site, I was surprised to find someone who loves and shares these particular topics as much as I do. Most people I come into contact with run the other way when bringing these topics . Without going into too much details, I grew up alone and lonely as a child through fault of my own, not knowing any different. Over the years I have lived with others but still liked and was comfy being alone and at times lonely. I am a mountains girl, a nature spirit and a faith believer, a person of intuition. I found who I am by being alone, I am a work in progress which is tough as a single mum with three children( one with special needs), having depression and CPTS disorder. I aim for balance as I love being with others but crave space so it is nice to become of your community.

    • Tammy March 30, 2015, 9:00 am

      Hi Tori! I’m so glad you’re here. xo

  • Whitney Niles April 26, 2015, 4:33 pm

    i have never been alone. And like you, my detour in college will be over next may. I too have never been alone and feel i need to do something ive felt this way for weeks and the best thing is to travel i have found. I plan on, after passing my boards going to ireland. I do have some questions i hope you could answer…
    1. what book would you suggest on the trip with feelings like i am having?
    2. what about safety? were you ever scared?
    3. finances? were you ever afraid you were gonna run out of money?
    4. i need some tips
    I am scared but i NEED this and i didnt realize that until i found this post. and i am a mess now reading this and realizing how this sounds exactly like me….

    • Tammy April 26, 2015, 9:56 pm

      Whitney I’m so excited for you and the adventure that lies before you. Honestly, I didn’t plan my trip much, which was totally NOT me, but it worked out for the best. I’ve learned you can’t plan fun. The best book you could take is a journal. Start writing! Write down everything. Your thoughts, your experiences, live in your moments. Yes, I was scared a few times. I was alone for seven weeks through seven countries! I didn’t run out of money but I traveled cheap. I stayed in hostels and ate like a student. All I had was a backpack so no shopping either! 😉 Go to the bookstore and get the latest travel books. Pack them with you and go. You will never regret it. Best wishes to you!!

  • Adriana May 15, 2015, 8:24 pm

    Loved it! Thank you for sharing!
    I’ll do this! 🙂

  • Cami June 5, 2015, 3:56 am

    Wow, I really love this article! I am in complete agreement about the ideas expressed…There’s a great difference between being alone and being lonely. It’s all in the attitude. And you know what? I’ve also been through the same struggles as many here and have finally learned to embrace solitude as an opportunity to grow as a person. In fact, this summer I am planning to take a trip alone to my mother’s country in South America. For the first time ever. At age 18!!!! Imagine that!!! I’ll go from being protected and comfortable in my home nest to completely free in a foreign country. Well, it sounds scary, but it also is exciting.
    Thanks so much for such a lovely article!
    -Cami

  • Candace October 11, 2015, 10:21 am

    I saved your article and refer back to it when I need it. I ended an 8 year relationship and just very recently ended the toxic rebound relationship. So I’m going through a hard time but really looking forward to that feeling of not needing somebody. That constant feeling like I need someone to feel complete is a terrible feeling so I’m inspired to move forward from that. I guess I just need to give it time and possibly plan a trip! Thanks for this article.

    • Tammy October 12, 2015, 8:06 pm

      You’re welcome Candace! I remember how hard that is but learning to love your own voice is the greatest gift you can give yourself. xo

  • Kim December 19, 2015, 9:26 pm

    Hi Tammy,
    I stumbled on your website through Pinterest tonight. I read your article about being in a season of waiting. Then I saw this… I’m 28 and I’m terrified of being alone. I become nervous and anxious and immediately go seek out some guy to text or talk to, to make me feel wanted I guess. I guess I am lucky in the fact that it is easy for me to get a man’s attention, but I can feel in my heart that it is never the right man. I know what I really need is to be alone. I experienced heartbreak for the first time in my life from my ex fiancé. I am at peace with that chapter as he tried to get me back and I saw he was just not right for me after all ( sometimes God gives us what we want so we can see it’s not at all what we need right?) Then immediately after I went through a on and off year relationship which just ended a few days ago with a lot of pain. I know to find my true soulmate I need to find purpose in my life. I need to love myself and be able to be alone without feeling completely sad and unwanted. All the things you wrote were exactly how I am feeling and have always felt. I always think about going on a road trip all by myself, but I never commit to the idea because I am too afraid. I try to pray as much as I can for God to help me to trust his plan for my life. I know deep down that he isn’t sending me the right one because I’m not ready. I don’t know myself I don’t love myself enough yet. What you wrote is really inspiring me to think more about taking the trip I know I need. Like you said I know I need to be away to really do this. Almost force myself to be alone or I know I’ll go back on my word. I just want to say thank you for sharing this. This is the first time I’ve ever commented on a blog even lol and I think God wanted me to see this. I look forward to reading more on your site 🙂
    – Kim

  • Kim December 19, 2015, 9:35 pm

    That’s exactly how I feel Candace. Like I need someone to feel complete..Sometimes it’s comforting to know other people are facing the same struggles. I know you can get through it, I send you prayers and love 🙂

  • Bee May 15, 2016, 8:11 am

    Thank you Tammy for such an amazing article. Like Kim, I came across this page after reading your article on waiting. It’s just perfect timing, God is wonderful like that. I was most confident at the age of 26, I was comfortable on my own, traveled on my own, I truly loved myself. But after that I had so many bad events take place in life and things got really hard and now I’m almost 29 and I’m back to square one. I’ve lost myself but slowly picking up again. It gets quite tough but coming across articles like yours is a gift. So thank you. Please keep ’em coming 🙂

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