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how to be the star of your life

how to be the star of your life

what’s your dream? maybe you’re like most women and you don’t even know. you forgot. so busy being a wife and a mom and a friend and a daughter you’ve forgotten what makes you come alive. don’t worry, we’re about to change that.

when you close your eyes and lay your head on the pillow what do you dream? where does your mind wander in the quiet of the night?

we all have dreams. we all have desires. and i think so often when we have children we think those dreams need to take a backseat. that there isn’t time for us to shine.

we’re mothers now.

so many of us fall prey to the lie that when we’re moms that’s all we can be. that every minute with our kids needs to be intentional. that every activity or task somehow has to minister or teach or groom them for a life of significance.

and we’re the driver of that bus.

i think that’s wonderful, but it’s only part of the dream. only part of what makes us, us.

the other dream is alive too. and it deserves time and attention. YOU deserve time and attention.

one of the greatest gifts we give our children is teaching them how to take care of themselves. how to nurture their passion and reach out for their dream. if we don’t model it, if we don’t take the time to give to ourselves, how can we expect them to learn and do it for themselves?

and that might mean our little ones watch a few tv shows or play upstairs on their own. or even require individual quiet time in their rooms so that we can nurture our dream. carve out time and space for what brings us alive.

so often we think the kids are the stars of our life. and they are little stars – they make our world so much brighter. but you need to be the star of your own life. you need to make time for you. what fuels you? what makes you come alive? what do you wake up thinking about and fall asleep with in the back of your mind? where do you find your thoughts wandering in stolen moments? THAT is your dream. that is what makes you a star.

for so many young women we can’t wait to plan our wedding day because it’s the day we get to be the star. but you’re not the star for a day. you’re the star of your life. this is your life! if you don’t play the starring role in your life, who does?

here are a few ways you can start to become the star of your life:

1. carve out 30 minutes each day for you.

this might seem like a lot if you’re not in the habit of taking care of yourself. believe me, it is not. set your alarm or stay up a little late at night to spend 30 minutes in meditation, journaling, study or prayer. the more you get in touch with your own spirit the clearer you will begin to see your dream. the things that ignite fire in your soul or make you cry. pay attention to your tears, they teach you where your heart is soft. where your soul is tender. that tenderness is always indicative of your dream. listen to those quiet whispers.

2. set a goal and work a little bit each day toward it.

when i say ‘be the star of your life’ that doesn’t mean you need to see your name in lights. that doesn’t mean you shine for anyone else to see. you be the star of your life in your own quiet way. that could be on a homestead in rural montana, raising chickens and goats and homeschooling your children. it could be that you pursue a life-long dream to become a ballerina and begin taking dance lessons at a local class one night a week. or that you dream to run a marathon and so you sign up and make the commitment to train. our goals look different because our hearts are different. what fuels me may seem like ridiculous torture to you! that’s okay. this is your dream. your life. YOU get to be the star.

3. take inventory of what adds to your life – and add more of it.

for each of us there are people and things that make our life feel full. they bring joy, peace, thankfulness and hope. they are encouragers, lovers, comforters and friends. these are the things that make a life. they remember who we are when we forget, they see the best in us when we simply can’t, and they give us wings when we are afraid to fly. nurture what gives you life.

4. pay attention to what subtracts from your life – and subtract some of it.

just like there are people and things that fuel us, there are people and things that tear us down. pull on us like a heavy weight. as we enter into the holiday some of those people are fresh in our minds. family can often be some of the hardest ones. we love them and yet – there is hurt. it’s okay to set boundaries around healthy relationship and what we will and won’t stand for. there is grace and there is love, but there is also truth. some people and things are just plain bad for us. it’s okay to set them free.

5. find a way to include your passion as part of your daily life.

as you start discovering your passion – through journaling, meditation and tears – find a way to incorporate a little bit of it into your daily life. for me, it’s writing. i try to write every single day. if that means i get up early or stay up late, or put a movie on for my kids so i can write, i do. it’s important to me and it makes me a better person – a better mom – when i fill up my cup. when i take the time to fuel my soul i am better able to fuel theirs. and i’m teaching them that it’s important to cultivate and nurture our dreams. just because we become a mom {or a dad} or a busy executive, lawyer, teacher, accountant, you-name-it-important-job-fill-in-the-blank, doesn’t mean we no longer have time to pursue a dream. i had written on the walls of my boys’ nursery the quote: “keep a place within your heart for little dreams to go.” it’s important that we keep that place sacred. it’s a space not just for children, but for a life. we were made to dream.

6. never give up.

your dream won’t come in a day. it won’t come in a week or a month or maybe even a year. this is the journey of a life. and there will be tough miles. there will be setbacks and disappointments and times when you fall woefully and utterly short. that’s okay too. it’s part of the journey. perhaps the greatest part. because the setbacks and the failures are what teach us the most. they carve character and determination. the commitment to a pursuit beyond our self. something we do that lives beyond us: the legacy of our life. do not be short-sighted. do not grow weary. do not give up.

7. encourage others to follow their dream.

be an encourager of dreams! this life is full of people running short on time. we rush from one activity/responsibility/errand to another with never enough time. our dreams fall farther and farther down the priority list and we think we’ll get to it later. but we never do. and your friend never does either. encourage her dream. let her encourage yours. be accountable to one another in pursuit of your dreams. someday you’ll look back and be amazed how far you have come.

8. shine, shine, shine.

when you star in your life and pursue your dream you will light up your world. the only word i can think of to describe how it feels is: JOY. when you are filled with joy you shine like a light in a dark world. we were made to shine. all the dreamers do. find your place with them – the dreamers, the do-ers, those crazy enough to chase a wild or impossible goal. you’ll never regret it. you’ll never look back and say i wish i didn’t dare. i wish i didn’t risk.

this is your life, and you were made to be the star of it. BE the star. and light up your world.


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{ 4 comments… add one }
  • Noelle November 19, 2013, 1:14 am

    This is so very good…

  • Rachel Marziano December 6, 2013, 1:51 am

    I have been focusing on the question, “Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”
    Ihave come to realize a lot of soul searching is needed to answer that question. A lot of wounds to heal and alot of opinions to weed out from my life.
    Love this post…seems like a step by step guide to answer the question on my plate right now. Thank you.

    • Tammy December 6, 2013, 4:36 pm

      oh rachel. i’m praying for your heart right now. that He would guide you in the searching of your heart and that He would tend to the wounds and heal them well. it is so difficult to find our strength sometimes when there are so many other voices competing for their way. i pray you find the peace that comes only from Him, and that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of His love. blessings.

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