you have a dream, don’t you?
an idea, passion, something that brings you alive. makes you hope to imagine; stokes the embers deep in your soul. i know you do. you find your mind wandering there in stolen moments. you know the one. yes, that one. the one you’re afraid to say out loud for fear of what someone might think. what you might think hearing the words actually spoken, not just thought.
i know what scares you. what keeps your mouth closed. quiet. what pushes your dream down in the darkness again and again; keeps you safe for another day. the same agonizing critical doubter lives in my head. the same fears of exposure, judgment, ridicule, and failure are deeply rooted in my flawed nature; my broken character.
but what if we practiced courage every single day? what if we stepped boldly into the darkness believing we would find light? what legacy might you leave because you said yes.
a chance meeting with a sweet friend led me to discover a question God was asking me, IS asking me, each day: because you said yes. what would happen, what could be, who might be saved, what might you learn, who might you become, how much deeper your faith, what might i do in you, through you, because of you…because you said yes? these questions have run in my mind since the day i met my friend and she spoke these words to me: ‘someday you will look back on a legacy because you said yes.’ fervently praying over me, her arms wrapped around me petitioning over my heart and my life, pleading to the Father on my behalf for a heart full of fears she could have never known but through her deep abiding relationship with Him. i remained in her arms, silent tears and a still heart, knowing that i do not face this world alone. i am not on my own. believing not only in a faith that is unseen, but one that is deeply known. He is so near.
i know He is speaking when i find patterns. common threads linked together and yet, seemingly random. not. random. a week after my friend prayed over me, i read this passage in a book:
it’s when you know, that you know, that you know. just like you know. your dream. the one we were talking about earlier. yes, that one.
Ephesians 4 tells us to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. i don’t know the answer to how we know our calling. do we ever really know for sure? i don’t think it comes to any of us clearly or in writing on the wall. it whispers in your heart. calm stirrings in your spirit that will not be denied. fragile wanderings of your mind delicately carried on the wind; your deepest vulnerability and fear. i won’t tell you the journey will be easy. in fact, it may be fraught with pain in this world, for this time. since i started this journey with you i have faced some of my deepest enduring hurts and fears. and i have only just begun. wounds i thought were well healed, only to be ripped open anew. fresh. a few weeks ago i spent some days walking around as if i were inside out. everything i came in contact with hurt. old wounds made raw. tender flesh exposed to the harsh conditions of this life. i bet you’ve felt it too. in this life we will have trouble. but He has overcome the world and in Him we may find peace. His promises are still true. i have felt Him and known Him deeper and more fully in these days than i have ever known. He revealed Himself to me in my times of weakness saying:
“my grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.” and so it seems. when i give up control to go it alone, when i face the reality that i can do nothing on my own, at the precipice of the end of me, when i am ready to quit and resign myself to an un-lived life; i find Him. it is so clear. we are His children and He loves us with a love we have never known in this life. will never know in this life. it’s humbling. i am yours Father. and i say yes. i will follow you. i will walk into the darkness of my fears because i know you are here and i know you will shepherd my steps. my life. this dream. your dream.
so many times i talk myself out of it, trying to explain or rationalize why i am not the right person. surely you could find someone far more qualified than i. and yet, i know you chose me. He chose you. come with me. walk into the shadow of your darkest fear and believe. believe that He will meet you there. and think of all that might be…because you said yes.