Next week is Valentine’s Day friends. Do you wish you could find the man of your dreams? Who doesn’t? Some days I know for sure, and some days it’s highly questionable, but after thirteen years of marriage one thing is true: He is mine. But it took a few detours and crash landings to find him.
Growing up I did things the easy way. I followed the rules and made every attempt to avoid trouble. Some might say I was a bit boring. They might be right.
But when it came to love I made a lot of mistakes. Got myself in a lot of trouble. From a young age I was attracted to a dangerous type – well, as dangerous as a boy could be in a small midwestern town in the 80s. (not.very.dangerous…) But after one particularly bad experience with a boy I went back to my high school sweetheart and married him right out of high school. Some might say that was dangerous. They might be right.
Not because he was a bad boy (he wasn’t) but because I didn’t know who I was. Just a girl in a small town with only 20 years of life behind her I didn’t have a clue who I was, what I wanted, or who I could become. I hadn’t yet learned how to be alone without feeling lonely, and I hadn’t even started to dream. How could I find someone who was meant for me if I didn’t even know who I was? The answer, I learned, was quite by mistake. And quite opposite of everything I had tried thus far.
Here’s how I found the man of my dreams, and I am confident that you can too:
1. Stop looking for him.
It may seem counterintuitive but it’s absolutely true. The more you chase after him the less likely you will find him. Because you will go to places like bars and clubs and online dating sites and look. And when we look with our eyes we don’t see as clearly with our heart. When we chase down who we think we want, we miss who is meant for us. Your job isn’t finding a man, it’s finding who you are.
2. Discover who you are.
You will never hope to find the man of your dreams if you don’t first discover who you are and what dreams you have! If your only goal is to be married you will hook up and settle down and realize down the road that you just plain settled. Discovering who you are requires you to take risks. It requires you to learn how to be alone. It requires you to fall in love with who YOU are first.
3. Pursue your passion.
When you figure out who you are and how to be alone you will begin to dream. You will find your mind wandering to all that is possible, where before you only saw impossible. Armed with confidence from your newfound self-sufficiency and self-love you will realize you don’t need a man. You just merely want one to come alongside and take the journey with you. Let me tell you a little secret: that is the most attractive thing to a man. Ever, period, bar none.
4. Find him along the way.
Somewhere lost in your dream, pursuing your passion, when a boy (or man) is truly the farthest thing from your mind – he’ll show up! Perhaps you’ll sit down at a table at the local Starbucks to study law and look up to see a bald guy sitting right across from you asking for your number. (Well at least that’s how it happened to me)…
The point is this: if you think you need a man he will know it. The deepest heart of a true man doesn’t want a girl who needs him. He wants a girl who simply wants him to join her already full and happy life.
As wildly as you pursue a man – shift course and pursue YOU. Find yourself; find your confidence, desires, passions and dreams. And then. Then, and only then, will even be ready for the moment when you truly stumble upon the man of your dreams.
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With Valentine’s Day ahead I wanted to share a few of my newest favorite things. You know, just in case you want to help your Valentine get it right by picking up a little something you love for you too! You know, just in case he forgets. 🙂
- COR44 Personal Training Cards: Of course these are my favorite, favorite new thing! Love working out but aren’t sure how to strength train? Want a personal trainer but can’t afford one? Personal Training Cards™ are the perfect tool to help you find your strength. Don’t forget to download the free monthly calendar too!
- SkinCeuticals Antioxidant Lip Repair: Can I just say…THIS? Whoa. This is amazing and I’m not sure where it’s been all my life. You need just a tiny dab and it’s like heaven for your lips. Who needs a little lip therapy after this crazy winter? This girl.
- Super Invisible Socks at Athleta: Um, hi. These socks are amazing and they make me happy. Ya’ll, it’s the little things. I bought them yesterday afternoon and haven’t taken them off. We’re going on 36 hours and I have no plans to take them off anytime soon. Believe me, I know the price is a little cray for socks but I love them so much I just ordered more. I’ve never spent this kind of money on socks. Until now.
- Seiche Vite Dry Fast Top Coat: I was at a girls weekend retreat a few weeks ago when I learned about this little magician. After a few rounds of gel nails my own are fragile and thin. Taking a break ala home manicure, this little gem might make it permanent! It makes regular polish look like gel and LAST like gel, but come off with regular nail polish remover. See? Magic!
Happy almost Valentine’s Day my friend! I hope you find the man of your dreams next week but if you don’t, or if he fails to follow through, grab a little something for yourself and remember it’s good to love you too. xo