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Finding grace when they’re driving you crazy

We all have someone that just gets on our nerves. The challenge is giving them grace instead of a grudge. Here's why, and I promise it'll be worth it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about grace this week, and the sure threads of redemption that bind our tattered stories together.

Things go around and come around and never, ever run in a straight line. We hurt one another because of our own embroiled bitterness, insecurity and pain.

When bad things happen we blame karma, and we often pray people get what they deserve.

So many of us pretend we’re okay when we’re really just experts at holding grudges, and we secretly harbor ill will.

And though this life is never simple, and certainly never pain free, despite karma or consequence it always works right in the end. Complex and complicated, damaged and torn we stand.

Together, apart, arms outstretched, wrapped around, or holding at length. We battle. We love and we hate and everything in between.

It’s a brave new world in which we live.

Facebook, instagram, twitter, ask, smartphones, we’re all just a second away from running into each other. All times of every day, we weave. In and out, back and forth. Weaving, crafting, silvery webs.

I’ve been caught many times in a dangerous web; trying to untangle myself from it’s thin, sticky veins. Choosing judgement, criticism, and gossip because it feels good in the moment.

Justified vengeance.

But time passes and life evolves. Battles are fought and hard lessons learned. Relationships and people change.

And somewhere down the road of life we eventually stumble upon grace.

We stumble because I do not believe we can go about finding grace on our own.

Grace: undeserved mercy.

It is those people, those times, those circumstances that give rise to our innate desire for vengeance, retaliation, and an overwhelming feeling of injustice.

To give grace is so contrary to our nature that it cannot be of ourselves. Any possibility of giving undeserved mercy surely requires the divine assistance of supernatural God.

Because grace allows us to forgive someone who never asked for forgiveness, who never even said they were sorry.

It allows us to choose and act with a spirit of love and kindness in the face of continued hostility. It allows us to truly encourage and lift up another soul with a pure heart.

We find grace not because we’re noble or righteous, but because we realize how much we need it ourselves. And we’ve learned by trial and error that holding the burden of anger and unforgiveness only wearies our already tired heart.

And because I’ve seen redemption so clearly – in hardened hearts and near broken marriages and bitter embattled feuds: I’m convinced that as surely as the sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening, He will have His way with us. 

In whatever way He must break us to give in to grace, He will.

In whatever way He must strip us, so that He can mold us to Him, He will.

It is not a question of when, but how. And at what cost? How long will we hold onto stubborn pride before we just let Him do His work in us?

Because when we find grace a weight is lifted that frees us to love others well despite how they treat us. To look past the person who hurt us and see their own pain. Feel their own loss.

It’s when you look back and see the redemption story: how you never, ever, ever should have been the one, and yet there you are. Giving grace. Sharing sorrow. Encouraging hope, and choosing joy. 

It’s when we see the person and realize all along they were just looking for grace.

Because it’s all grace.

Every bit of this life.

Walk away if you must, but love. Bitterness only burdens your already weary heart and we’re called to be free. He will have His way with us, that is a promise. And somewhere down the road when you stumble on grace, you will look back and see redemption’s clear story.

And you’ll be grateful that it happened exactly the way that it did.

I write more about this in my new book, Pretty: Breaking Free From The Illusions of a Superficial Life. You can get it on Amazon right here.

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{ 14 comments… add one }
  • Lauren March 6, 2014, 8:25 pm

    What a beautiful reminder! It is so easy to hold onto pride as you said when He wants to do a new thing in us. You blessed me with this post today 🙂

    • Tammy March 9, 2014, 3:06 pm

      Thank you Lauren! You’re not alone in holding onto pride. May we all journey this life better & stronger together.

  • Tammy March 7, 2014, 8:53 pm

    Thank you for that. It’s opened up my eyes and heart. You also blessed me with this post. I do feel less alone now!

    • Tammy March 9, 2014, 3:04 pm

      Oh I’m so glad to hear that Tammy. We’re all in this together.

  • Alisia March 16, 2014, 3:36 pm


  • Natalie April 12, 2014, 1:48 am

    This was such a needed read today…Thank you for posting. God bless you!

  • Megan April 26, 2014, 11:12 pm

    I just have to say I LOVE this post. I read it when you first posted it and I’ve probably read it about 8 times after! Thank you for these posts! I’m 22 and I love what you write! God bless you and your family! xoxo

    • Tammy April 28, 2014, 3:59 am

      Thank you for this, Megan! Such sweet encouragement to my soul. Many blessings to you — I’m so glad you’re here. xoxo

  • LeAnna July 14, 2014, 11:54 pm

    I cannot tell you how much this spoke to my worn tattered heart. Thank you.

    • Tammy July 16, 2014, 3:04 pm

      You’re welcome LeAnna. Praying for your heart. xo

  • Angie Young July 15, 2014, 4:06 pm

    Great post today. Exactly what I needed to hear.

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