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Forgiving yourself when they won’t

 

Forgiving yourself2

I’ve lived too much of my life in the punishing grip of another’s tightly clenched fist. Holding on, waiting for, and longing to be set free.

Wishing and praying and hoping and dreaming I would have done something differently. Said something more perfectly.

Begging and offering and asking for forgiveness, never given. Never enough.

Time has passed, life has changed, the day is new.

And still I’m held.

The grip of unforgiveness is almost too much to bear. It’s bitter roots tangle and twist and distort until what was once sure, is now unrecognizable.

The thrill of it’s crippling power always gives way to pride, anger, malice and contempt.

It’s only sure ending is the breaking of the bearer. For the hand will open and the caged will be set free. 

He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.” Revelation 21:6-7

This life is hard. Relationship is hard. We are human and we fail. We have failed, we will fail, and we will continue to fail until the day that we die. It’s the beauty and the burden of relationship. And unless we are willing to accept our own failures we can never accept the failures of another.

Relationship is hard but it’s the only thing that is real. It’s painful and it’s beautiful and it’s messy and broken but there is redemption and glory and grace by an Almighty God who says we are WORTHY despite our shortcomings, and in spite of our failures. We are holy and forgiven and clothed in dignity.

If you are held in the grip of another’s unforgiveness, decide today to set your own self free. If you find yourself unwilling to unclench your fist and forgive someone for a grievance against you, find out what you’re getting from this perceived control. How is it serving you?

If you have done everything you can think of and the person isn’t ready or willing to be forgiving, it’s time you forgive yourself. It was never really between you and them anyway, it was always only between you and God.

He is the Beginning and He is the End. Set your sights higher than this earthly place, and see that He set you free from your very first breath. Now all you have to do is fly.


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{ 14 comments… add one }
  • Michelle Jensen June 11, 2014, 4:21 am

    Thank you for sharing 🙂 Super wonderful post!! Gave me a little peace 🙂 Thanks!

    • Tammy June 12, 2014, 3:01 am

      Oh, I’m so glad Michelle. Happy you’re here. xo

  • Laura Bubna June 11, 2014, 12:56 pm

    So well said Tammy. Wise words.

  • Brittnie (A Joy Renewed) June 12, 2014, 1:17 pm

    Such wise words!! I needed this today, Tammy. Love your heart and love reading what God places on it to share with others.

    • Tammy June 12, 2014, 7:26 pm

      Thank you Brittnie! I’m so glad it resonated with you, thank you for being here! {hugs}!

  • Lisa June 16, 2014, 2:37 am

    As I read this repeatedly, I am given glimpses of light–His light–and His peace. Thank you for being His voice to me!! God bless you as you reach out to the broken!!

    • Tammy June 17, 2014, 8:36 pm

      Oh Lisa, I’m so honored it was an encouragement to your heart. Blessings to you. xoxo

  • Amy June 17, 2014, 9:03 pm

    Beautiful words!

  • Georgia July 19, 2014, 12:33 am

    I have bookmarked this post. I am going through such a hard season. A time where my actions brought pain into the life of a person that I love dearly. She won’t forgive me…she won’t even talk to me. I find myself captured in the grip of guilt and unbelievable shame. It literally seizes my heart and puts me in a deep darkness. This post has put words to my feelings and I am trying with every breath that I take to forgive myself…to give myself a little bit of grace. And to remind myself that the pain I brought upon this person was not intentional but a result of my own fears and shame from things in my past. I am slowly learning to let go and try to remind myself that I am doing the very best that I can where I am at. Thank you for this.

    • Tammy July 20, 2014, 5:10 am

      You’re welcome Georgia. It seems you have a humble spirit and I’m so sorry your friend won’t talk to you. I always remind myself the Bible tells me to live at peace with one another “as far as it depends on me.” You do your part. God sees, He knows, He hears your pleas for forgiveness. Ultimately it’s between you and Him anyway. Praying for peace to reign in your heart. xo

  • Kim July 23, 2014, 6:31 pm

    Such a good message! Unforgiveness is so, so HEAVY. It’s so easy to go through life without even realizing we’re carrying that burden though. I love this message of being able to forgive yourself, because it’s something that’s been so hard for me to comprehend for most of my life. But honestly, if God forgave us why are we still not forgiving ourselves? One of the things I’m learning over and over again is that I can’t love others if I can’t love myself.

  • Heidi January 17, 2015, 9:26 pm

    Wow. This was so needed, I can’t thank you enough for this.

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