A few months ago I told you life was getting too serious so I added a new word to my word for the year. The word was fun. I knew I needed to have more of it and, quite frankly, I’m not particularly good at it. I can be pretty type-A, so usually I need to get all my work done before there can be any room to consider fun. Needless to say, it worked. Fun came right on in and set itself up for summer.
This summer we played and sunned and frolicked and I did very little work. A lot of reading. Truth be told it’s been heavenly. Needed. But as we descended upon home this week I felt something rising in me. The desire to work. The need to create. To breathe through words, spoken out through the rhythm of taps on the keys. No matter how far I wander away, He always brings me home.
This is home. This place. Writing. Living out the pages of life in words. Forgetting and remembering who I am.
But as much as I long to write, I can’t seem to find my groove. After weeks being away, it seems I forgot how it works. Where the rhythm is. But as much as it eludes me now, I know it is there. Because when God plants a dream in your heart you can’t simply forget it away. We just get out of practice.
Art requires time. Practice. An insatiable hunger to learn, grow, and become. And sometimes that can get lonely and serious and altogether lacking in fun. When balance gets off and striving replaces living, we become weary. That’s where I was. Where I’m prone to wander. This summer was about taking it back. My life. My family. My dream. And making it mine again.
I want to get better. I want to learn and grow and hone this craft. But not for you or me or anyone else. For Him. For my children. To live my life the best I can; to leave a legacy of love, wrapped up in the beauty of language. And sometimes dreaming feels selfish. Sometimes it feels frivolous to pour into something that does nothing more than fulfill a desire in my heart. Maybe it’s not practical or realistic or provide any income at all and that trips us up. I have found that writing – this dream I didn’t know I had that continues to unfold in ways I never imagined – has brought me closer to who I am and for that I couldn’t be more grateful. Even though it’s hard.
Never let it be said that to dream is a waste of one’s time, for dreams are our realities in waiting. In dreams, we plant the seeds of our future. –Unknown Author
If you find yourself weary, take a break. Have some fun again until you can remember how to dream. And if you’re ready to come back and you can’t find your groove, just start. One small step. Right where you are. And if words don’t come or the brush won’t paint, do something else until it does. Creativity is not meant to be constrained. Art needs to be free. So do you.
Whatever you have today is enough. You.are.enough.