My whole life I wanted to follow God. Sometimes I didn’t know how and sometimes it wasn’t convenient but He was always there. And of course I took a few detours along the way, and tested boundaries and alternative routes, but I always wanted to follow Him and be more for Him. I always thought I needed to be more for Him.
But over the last year I began to understand that I don’t need to be more, for Him. I don’t need to do anything else, for Him. Though I spent my whole life trying to be more; somewhere along the line I finally realized I already am, and always was and always will be, enough for Him.
The truth is you’re already enough too.
It took me a long time to get here. I spent a lot of years focusing on me and the past. Rehashing relationships and failures and broken seasons until I was sure of something. I’m not even sure what I needed to be sure of. I spent years cleaning out, paring down, digging up, and allowing God to prune my life. It wasn’t pretty and it didn’t happen quickly and I literally exhausted some of the people around me. That’s the truth. But I look back now and every loss was gain. The people who stuck by me through it – the ones who lasted through every tear and fear and question and uncertainty – they’re still here. The ones I lost made room for new amazing ones to come in. They’re my people. I needed these people and I will always need these people. We were made for community and we need each other to be strong.
Some things will never change.
Every day it took working through it was right. Every tear and dead end and crossroad was a necessary part. There’s no right or wrong way to break free from our past. Reliving a lot of it, and truly learning the lessons from it, was how I needed to do it and I don’t regret a single day.
My greatest desire was that I could decrease, so that He could increase, but I didn’t know how. I wanted to move forward but the past kept rising back up! I didn’t know how to live free from the hurts of my past, and the relationships that failed, and the baggage I carried around for so long. Avoiding it only made me subconsciously recreate and repeat it. And I desperately wanted to be free!
I thought more was better so I kept adding more. More friends, more events, more things, more fun and then I started failing more. Failing to meet expectations, demands, desires and the things that ultimately meant the most. I was sacrificing the right things for the wrong things. I was sacrificing my family. I was sacrificing me.
I lost it. I didn’t know who I was.
And instead of wanting more, God slowly and deliberately taught me to be happy with less. In order for me to live free, I needed to get a lot of junk out of the way. Thoughts and behaviors that were no longer serving me. Relationships that were emotionally beating me to death. Some of these things I hung on to for dear life and there just wasn’t any way He was going to let me have them. No matter how hard I tried to hold on and try and fix, He severed. I didn’t know it at the time but they weren’t right for me. With them, I could never be free.
God desires mercy, not sacrifice. He wants us enjoy this life! He wants us to live and move and function in safe community. To love and serve the people around us with our whole hearts. To welcome the opportunities and situations He puts before us to the best of our ability. That’s it. He doesn’t need us, but He wants us – and isn’t that enough?
Isn’t that everything?
It’s not about some great act we do, but the small, simple ways we love ourselves and the ones before us who are broken and weary and lost. It’s taking the time to listen to our heart. To give voice to the hurts from our past so we can press on to our future. So that we can start reaching out a hand to lift others up too.
Do you feel like you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way? Do you want to break free from the things in your past that are holding you back but you don’t know how? Join me in a 7-day challenge learning how to LIVE FREE!
This challenge was created as a practical tool to supplement my book, Pretty: Breaking Free From the Illusions of a Superficial Life.
If you haven’t purchased your copy, you can get it on Amazon by clicking right here. It’s going to be so fun, I promise! Each day you will get to know me more and more and on day 7 you will see all of me. My true heart. And I can promise that though you may cry, I think you will most definitely smile – and maybe laugh! – and I hope be inspired to go all in with this one life you’ve been given.
We get one chance! Let’s live it well. We weren’t made to live this life alone, unhappy or trapped in our past. We were made to LIVE FREE. I truly hope you’ll grab a friend and join us! You can sign up for the live free challenge by clicking the box below.
And…if you still need to purchase your copy of the book, click on the image below to find it on Amazon! And thank you again with all my heart. I look so forward to taking this journey together with you. xoxo