Well, not really…but it happened quickly. Without much planning or forethought.
I’ve wanted to write for as long as I can remember, but I never thought it would be in this format. Many different things conspired to the blog’s inception but the actual blogging part, I didn’t plan. I thought about it for about 10 seconds and started writing on a generic wordpress blog. For myself. For a day.
Instantly, I knew I wanted it to be more.
I wanted it to reflect me. My heart. My life.
I didn’t know what I was doing so I jumped in with both feet and took a blog class. I stayed up until 3:00 in the morning for weeks, working on constructing the site from the ground up. Everything. The day I was semi-done designing my computer crashed. In the midst of trying to do something on my phone I accidentally published the blog on facebook. Whoops! It was born.
And it became the main thing. It was never meant to be the main thing.
I love this blog. I love reading, and writing, and sharing with you. I love hashing out my thoughts on paper, the music of the keys tap tap tap… I love the feedback you give me, the comments you leave, the idea of this place and the community that is actually growing.
I LOVE it! And I thank you with all my heart for being a part of it. I am blessed and encouraged by each one of you; truly honored and humbled by your presence.
But still. It was never supposed to be the main thing.
Writing and serving you became an incredible focus of my thoughts, my heart, my time and my security. Not because of you, but because of a lack in me. And other things fell away. At times I lost sight of the main thing.
The irony is not lost on me; I became hindered by the very essence of my desire to become unhindered! I lost sight of my priorities for a time.
The last month has been a painful, brutal, beautiful process of realization and coming to a new place. A place of better balance. I took some time off writing, got out of town, spent a week in anonymity playing with my family and realized how BIG this world is and how SMALL my life can sometimes become. I cut myself some slack. Loosened the rules. Placing less weight and pressure on the blog, schedule, and writing and more on life. Kids. Husband. Family.
The main thing.
Because here’s the unvarnished truth. We get moving in a direction and sometimes the momentum takes over. We get caught up in the excitement of the rolling and the progressing that we stop allowing it to happen naturally.
We get in the way.
And when we try to control and maneuver the process we end up finding ourselves in dark places. Ugly traps of comparison, competition, insecurity, unworthiness, and jealousy. And these discontented emotions are like bacteria. One tiny doubt; a scratch beneath the surface and soon it takes on a life of its own. Disease. And death.
These painful raging emotions are death to relationship and to dreams.
What’s your main thing?
Has something or someone crept into first or second that needs to be put back in their place?
As women we try to take on so much. We want so badly to do everything well and we have a lot on our plates. Just when we find our sweet spot we decide we should add a little more. A new friend(s), another responsibility, we say yes, yes, yes, not realizing that each yes requires a no to someone who matters even more.
Our lives become over scheduled and overburdened and we lack time for the things that matter the most to our hearts.
We talk here about dreams and finding our passion and boldly stepping into the arena. That is still true. But not at the expense of the main thing(s).
It must be secondary or else we’re living a lie.
Not one of us can keep all the balls in the air for very long. So many things compete for our time and when we’re not watching, those beautiful periphery dreams or pesky distractions slowly creep into that precious prized space and demand our attention.
And your dream is meant to be fun. When it creeps into the main thing it can start to hurt because we’ve put too much pressure and weight on it.
It’s a dream.
It’s meant to be free.
But often we can’t even see it we’re in so deep. We’ve got to work really hard every day to keep the main thing the main thing. And relax. We’ve got to work really hard at that too.
We’re not trying to change the world in a day.
We’re scattering seeds.
Where they take root we may never know. Our job is to plant.
And to keep our priorities in line with our heart so at the end of the day we are encouraged and uplifted by the fullness of our cup and not discouraged by our lack. We leave the process alone and get out of the way. We practice obedience and gratitude. We foster encouragement and dare one another to dream. We be easily impressed and hard to offend so that we don’t turn into one of those creeping thorns for our friend.
We be honest and real.
We can’t do it all but we can all do something. We can dream our dream and live our lives in the best way we know how, one day at a time.
The path is set before us and we only need take a little step each day. Soon we will look back and be amazed at how far we’ve come.
And we can do it without sacrificing those things that matter most in our life and our heart: the main thing. Keep the main thing the main thing. Rest in the simplicity of your dream and let it unfold. Be patient and grateful for each step of the journey; you’re already on your way.