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5 steps to reignite your marriage

reignite your marriage

Let’s be honest, marriage is hard. Anyone who says it isn’t is either lying or doesn’t care anymore.

We’re not those people.

Despite the fact that marriage is one of the hardest jobs you will ever have, it can also be rich and full and fun. I know some of you just started questioning my judgment. I get it.

It wasn’t that long ago I was feeling really sick and tired of my husband. We were having the same arguments, using the same tactics, each expecting a different result. Each of us believing this time we would convince the other we were right!

You know that’s the definition of insanity, right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? Yeah.

Fast forward and our marriage is back on solid footing. Believe me, it’s not perfect and never will be, but I’m thankful that God made this man and allowed me to have him. It wasn’t too long ago that I thought those feelings were long gone.

We are certainly not experts and we don’t have everything figured out. But it’s working. We’re happier and healthier than we’ve ever been. Here are a few of the things we’re doing to reignite our marriage.

1. Laugh at yourself {and each other!}

My husband can nearly drive me crazy sometimes. He has quirks, and obviously I don’t have any. Ha! In the last few months instead of pointing them out to him I’ve started laughing at him. At myself. I’m laughing at the ridiculousness of how simple, silly things can really get under our skin. I’ve noticed that as I’ve started giggling instead of grumbling, he’s started laughing more too. The air is lighter. We are happier. My aunt lost her husband many years ago, and I’ll never forget something she said. She said she always hated how he left his toast crumbs on the counter. It made her angry that he would leave such a mess behind him every single day. After he died, one of the things she missed the most was cleaning up his toast crumbs. Instead of getting mad, laugh! We all have quirks that make us difficult and unique. Think about how it would feel if that little thing was suddenly missing. Someday those little things, those annoying little habits and idiosyncrasies will be the things you miss the most.

2. Get away

My husband and I just returned from a short weekend {and much needed} trip away from home and away from our kids. I don’t often write or speak about marriage because I know what a touchy subject it can be sometimes. But can I just encourage you to make time for your husband? Life is crazy and busy and hectic and there is never enough time. Never.enough.time for all the things we want to do. All the things we “need” to do! But instead of pouring out into all the need to dos {and the don’t really need to dos}, I want to encourage you to pour a little bit extra into your marriage this week. If you can’t get away for a weekend then get away for a night. Go out to dinner. Go on a date. Get away from some of the chaos in your life. In two short days, my husband and I came home more connected than ever. Away from kids and distractions and the stress and chaos of life, I was reminded that, wow! I still really love this man! Make time to connect in some small way this week.

3. Make room for fun

Too often we think we need to plan fun. I dated this guy in my early twenties who taught me that you don’t plan fun. Fun happens. But I believe we must make room for fun. We have to cut out all the frivolous things taking up our time, block off the space to be together, and then let some fun happen. One of my best memories from our trip was riding up the escalator at the airport coming home. I had played a little trick on my husband and so he played one on me back. When it happened I could’ve rightly slapped him for it, but instead I threw my head back and laughed so loud the girl ahead of me turned around and my husband’s face turned bright red. Who would’ve thought one of my favorite memories would be on an escalator laughing my guts out?! But I’ll never forget how hard we laughed. It’s important to laugh out ourselves and each other, but it’s even more important to laugh together.

4. Express gratitude

Gratitude changes everything. We lost our dog a few weeks ago and it has worked to bond my husband and I together as we learn how to cope through grief, loss and pain. It’s been such a sad time but there have been so many gifts too. One is that we’ve learned to appreciate each other. We’ve learned how quickly someone you love can be gone and the memories and regrets can twist and tear your heart. We’re learning to express our gratitude for each other, for simple things, because sometimes the smallest things mean the most to our heart. Tell your husband what you love about him. If you can’t find anything right now, then simply express your thanks for something he did. Start small. Gratitude is contagious and it expands the more you practice.

5. Touch

Do you remember when you were dating and the first time his hand touched yours? I do! It felt nearly electric, right?! There is something so radical about the power of touch, it cannot be denied. But it’s vulnerable too. I know when I’m feeling frustrated, angry, resentful or hurt the last thing I want to do is let him touch me. I’m not even talking about sex, I’m just taking touch! It’s terribly hard. But I know that it breaks down walls. Lately we’re holding hands more. We’re resting arms on shoulders or snuggling closer in bed. Our physical touch is bringing us closer in every other way too. It’s hard, but it’s powerful.

Marriage is one of the hardest jobs we’ll ever have, but if we want it to last we’re going to have to do things a different way. Having the same arguments, using the same tactics, and expecting a different result will only drive you crazy. In fact, it literally makes you insane. Try a new approach. Shift your perspective from frustrated to free. We all get to be who we are, quirks and all. When we allow our husbands to be free, we subconsciously give ourselves permission to be free too. Free to love, free to live, free to laugh and feel and be thankful. I’m praying for all of you who desperately need reconnection in your marriage – that you would have the courage to take the first step. Take the first step to reignite your marriage.

I don’t know about you, but for the hardest job you’ll ever have, I think this sounds like a pretty good job description.

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{ 1 comment… add one }
  • xella April 13, 2015, 1:37 am

    thank u..i agree.with these 5steps to reignite marriage..and 1 thing i think I could add is have God in the midst of your relationship.

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