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Why you should stop being nice

being nice

Have you ever had someone tell you you’re nice?

I have to be honest that I’ve never really been a fan of that word.

I mean, sometimes we can be nice. I have definitely been nice before.

Like the times when being honest is just too hard. Or when I have a hard time just being quiet. Nice pops out.

Nice is pleasing. It’s appropriate. It makes us feel that we’re doing the socially acceptable thing. The nice thing. Saying hello but not really meaning it, pretending excitement when we’re annoyed up to our eyeballs. That’s so niiiiice.


Kind is totally different.

When I looked up kind, because I’m a word girl and words matter, it said kind is a fundamental nature or quality. Kind isn’t superficial or forced or easily turned on and off.

You can’t fake kind.

You can fake nice. And maybe that’s my aversion to it – I’ve seen a whole lot of nice to the face, mean behind the back and I’m way beyond over it. There is no room for toxic people.

I want to be kind.

I want to say something and mean it. And if I don’t mean it, I won’t say it just to be nice. 

I’ve noticed we’re not all that accustomed to accepting compliments given in true kindness. I’ve noticed people tend to respond, “oh that’s so nice of you to say.” And it twists something in my stomach a little bit so I tell them, No. I mean it. I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true. 

And I wouldn’t.

I’m not very nice.

I won’t lie to your face to get through a moment. I won’t.

But I will be kind because I mean it.

Today’s Challenge: Participate in a random act of kindness. Not niceness. Don’t look for something you can say that you don’t mean so you can get through this challenge quickly. Look to compliment or encourage someone in a way that is real. A way that resonates in the deepest part of you to tell them something TRUE and encouraging and life-giving. This can be uncomfortable. GO WITH IT. It can be as simple as telling someone they look cute today or you love their outfit…to writing a letter or a message to a friend who has been special in your life…to looking someone in the eye and telling them you believe in their dream because you believe in them.

This is day 18 of our Revolt Against Busy Challenge! You can sign up and catch up on anything you missed right {here}.

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{ 4 comments… add one }
  • Alisha October 18, 2014, 2:21 pm

    “I want to say something and mean it. And if I don’t mean it, I won’t say it just to be nice.”
    I love this!
    I’ve been called “nice” so many times it makes me sick. People say it like it’s a pat on the head, like it sticks in their throats as they try say it with a patronizing grin instead of a sneer.
    I’ve never been able to say things I don’t mean, and it’s disappointing to have people think that any kindness I show toward them is out o some kind of naivete or weakness. It’s not. I know what I’m doing, and who I’m doing it for. It is my choice.
    If more people could be more authentic, and kind, with others, I think that we would start to understand that kindness isn’t nice, and it isn’t weak.

    • Tammy October 18, 2014, 5:30 pm

      Preach it sister! Kindness is NOT weakness. I agree. In fact, I think kindness is strength. Perhaps one of the biggest indicators we have. Blessings! xo

  • Bren October 21, 2014, 6:33 pm

    I have always been called nice, until I’m one day I stopped, and now people are getting pretty mad about it. I think everyone has just gotten used to me being nice, so when I finally started being honest, it shocked them. The reactions have been pretty awful. But I was at my limit of nice, and I had created a pattern (I accept blame there, seriously my fault). That pattern had left me saying ‘yes’ to everyone except myself, and I, unfortunately, had to find rock bottom the hard way and start saying ‘no’. I’m still in the middle of learning to be honest, but I have had to make that break in order to be kind to myself. It has been very painful. I have always stood my ground professionally and said no when things didn’t make sense or were unsafe, but in my personal life, I was a complete doormat, and everyone was so very used to it. I’m not sure if any of those old friendships are going to last, save one (the DH is a pretty solid human being). P a I n f u l. But necessary, because I wasn’t going to last – I had exhausted myself being there for everyone. Being nice isn’t always kind. It can be, at times, but not always. Being nice can be dishonest and fake, too. So, yes, I need to be KIND. There is a difference.
    Thank you for your post. It lends a little credibility to the decisions I have been making of late. I still have a ways to go, but I think I’m on the right track. I may just even remember who I was before my doormat days. I think I used to be pretty amazing.

    • Tammy October 22, 2014, 12:54 am

      Oh Bren. I am sure you ARE amazing! And the people you want in your life will stay. Someone once told me that when people walk away, it’s a gift. And you know what I learned? Most times it is. Painful? Absolutely. But fruitful? Always. Stay the course. Be true to yourself and the people who deserve you will stay, and the ones who go will leave room for more of the amazing ones who come along. xoxo

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