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Waiting for Grace

Many times I wish that God would pour out His mercy and grace on a relationship, a circumstance or just a really bad attitude (many times my own). Too often it seems no matter how hard I try, how much I pray, or how deeply I desire it – it doesn’t come fast enough. In a culture so used to immediate gratification, the waiting is sometimes agonizing. It feels punishing. Might I say, debilitating? Ugh.

Have you ever been in one of those places, spaces or relationships where you feel like you just can’t breathe?

You can’t be you, and they can’t be them, because there’s something stuck in the middle? A big white elephant, perhaps, but far more likely it’s a tiny little itty-bitty sliver of something else. Jealousy. Envy. Hurt. Bitterness. Resentment. Pride.

A few small words that pack a big punch.

Businesses, relationships, families, friendships and whole communities have fallen out over words no bigger than these. Six little words whose weight on the scale far surpass that old familiar elephant standing in the room. What do we do with it? How do we move forward when we’re stuck in the unknowing, unresolved, uncomfortable world of wait? 

I’ve done all the things. Sometimes I cover, sometimes I hide, sometimes I fight or flee or both in some strange way at the exact same time. I may walk away while my mind shouts out all the words and feelings there isn’t space or safety to say out loud. In our own imperfect way we do what it takes to make our point or present our case so we can be heard. So we can be right.

And we wait.

What if we’re doing it wrong? What if it’s not about proving, pleasing, presenting or performing? What if we don’t have to try or teach or tell our tall tale? My feelings can be so fickle that sometimes I get so wrapped up in a problem, I stop seeing solutions. I stop seeing people.

What if we stop running or fighting or talking so much about the problem and just show up as a person? What if our presence is enough?

I’ve been absent the last week. Absent here at the blog, on social media and the numerous distractions that sometimes numb my day. Why? My mom was here. It’s been over a year and I soaked in every minute having her here. From the tiny ways she helped with cooking, cleaning and homework, playing games of cards and Scrabble — to the deeply healing and restorative ways we studied God’s word, and grew and grafted together. If you’ve read my book you know we have history, and there are wounds in our story. But it is ours. And it is so good.

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This week, fully immersed in each other’s presence, grace showed up. Stripped of the pleading, pretending, positioning and proving we were able to simply be. Together. The simple gift of presence afforded us the opportunity for our real selves to show up and be seen. For our hearts to be known. For our fears and our dreams to be recognized not out of righting the past, but reclaiming our future.

Last week I chose to stop doing what needed to be done. I chose to listen instead of talk. I chose to play instead of work. I determined to rest instead of worry. Slowly I’m learning that when I choose to see people instead of problems – when I choose to embrace what is instead of hustling for what could be – when I rest in knowing who I truly am no matter if someone else doesn’t see it, appreciate it, or even like it – grace shows up.

When we simply offer the gift of our presence; in one small moment we both give and receive the greatest gift of all: Grace.

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Perhaps you’ve grown weary of a heartache, disappointment, relationship or situation that just isn’t right. Maybe it doesn’t feel fair. Perhaps you haven’t felt heard, or there’s a big fat elephant standing not only in the room but directly on top of your heart. Maybe you feel like you just can’t breathe. I’ve been there a thousand times in a hundred different ways and in some ways I’m still right there too. But maybe you don’t need to do it the way you thought; maybe you don’t need to say every single thing that you feel; maybe it’s okay to let go for now, finding hope while you wait, knowing that maybe somewhere in the waiting, someday your presence will be enough.

If you haven’t bought my book you can read more about it and watch the book trailer here. Purchase it on Amazon here for just $8.99 and don’t forget to grab your free study guide and then sign up for the live free 7-day VIDEO dare here! Each of these supplements are my gift, FREE to you.

Live and love well my friends. xo

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{ 3 comments… add one }
  • Judy February 5, 2016, 3:17 am

    What a beautiful young woman you are and what makes you even more beautiful is knowing your history and the sharing of your everyday life. I always look forward to your emails, you inspire me! You give me hope to go on another day. Thank you. “Can you teach an old dog new tricks?” Yes, I know so, I will be 70 this year and while I am blessed with very good health and blessed in so many ways, I’ve learned that you never stop learning. I was thinking one day about how smart some of the people of our past were, the ones like Ben Franklin and Jonas Saulk who brought so much innovation and some even farther back in history that have made this world a better place. And I wrote down on paper these words: “THEY JUST WORE DIFFERENT CLOTHES Just as water is the same water that has always been here and recycles back as rain after evaporation, so it is with mankind whose mind is just as it’s always been; smart, inventive, and emotional. Time just changes how we seen things in our minds eye, the brilliant have always been around this old earth, how do you think we’ve come this far? They just wore different clothes.” I just bought your book and I can’t wait to read it. You have one of those brilliant minds. You and me, yeah, we think a lot alike, but just like your mother, I have my mother’s hands, we are a lot like them, “we just wear different clothes” keep doing what you do and God bless you richly. Judy

  • Crystal February 5, 2016, 4:00 am

    “God writes and weaves the very best love stories.” And He does so when we’re not pushing and pleading but rather simply being by living life as He intended us to live and allowing grace to find us. Lovely. Have a wonderful weekend, Tammy.

  • Ruth Brown February 5, 2016, 11:17 am

    This is so good – this is so true! Thank you, Tammy…

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