Late last summer my husband and I started getting the feeling we were supposed to sell our house. Let me tell you one thing: we love our house. Over the past eight years we’ve worked really hard on this place, pouring time, attention, love and a lot of money into designing, decorating and building a home. When the first promptings to move came, it came to both of us separately. And though we both felt it, we didn’t know what we were supposed to do, and we didn’t have any idea where to go, so we waited. We figured we would wait on God until He gave us some direction. After all, maybe we were wrong. Maybe we weren’t hearing Him right.
In February I met a writer at a conference and he shared a leap of faith story. I told him that my husband and I were feeling called to sell our home but we didn’t know where we were going or why. He was so excited for us and I tried to be excited for us, but we still didn’t do it. We kept waiting. The longer we waited, the more silent it seemed God became, and the harder we tried to figure out a plan.
We spent weekend after weekend looking for land, a place to build, something to capture our heart and give us excitement for a new home. A new chapter. And though we have hope, and still wait in anticipation, we can’t find anything. Every time we drive back into our driveway we sigh knowing He is calling us away, but not calling us to anything yet. And that is hard.
I crave certainty. I thrive on structure and routine and a lot of quiet time at home. For me, a perfect day includes putting my pajamas back on at two o’clock in the afternoon and never leaving the house again. Selling our house with no place to go potentially sets us up for being homeless. For how long? We just don’t know.
But His voice hasn’t changed. His promptings haven’t wavered. Everything that logically makes sense in our head takes a big giant leap for our heart. We are called to go – but not sure where. Or when we will know.
I’m learning that obedience is rarely convenient. The opposite is actually far more often true. The call of obedience will be inconvenient. It will interrupt our lives. It will challenge and pull us from what is comfortable and safe and send us sailing out onto the waves of faith. I like to think I’m faithful and that I trust God with my whole heart. But I’m learning that when it comes to letting go of shelter and security, if I’m honest, I cannot tangibly find my faith. I feel it come in fleeting moments but somehow I just can’t grab hold.
So last Friday I went to pick our kids up from their last day of school as a sign went up in our front yard. For sale. Because we’ve been waiting in disobedience for almost nine months not actually believing that God would provide for our needs. Instead we’ve been busy planning and strategizing how we could control it, minimize it, or make it less inconvenient for us. But the truth is it’s not about us. About our comfort. One thing I know about God is He is far more interested in our character. Our waiting for God to show up and prove something to us before we would take a step only served to highlight our lack of faith. The level to which we cling to what we have, instead of who He is.
We have no idea where we are going, or what lies ahead, but we have decided to trust that He does. And all at once it is scary and exciting and, as big fat tears roll down my cheeks at the thought of saying goodbye to this place, I know He has something even better than we can imagine in store. Far more than our striving and strategizing and secret longing. And so we take our one little step of obedience – opening our clenched fists to let go of our home – as we try to surrender our hearts to Him.
Do you feel like you’re in a season of uncertainty? Are you waiting in disobedience from something God is calling you to do? What stops you from trusting God and how might you take a step into obedience?