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a prayerful yes : at war with our gods

i’m reading a book that’s challenging my thinking.  the ways i have lived.  the way i live.  realizing the power given so freely to others over my life.  my actions.  my thoughts, feelings, emotions.  the idols we make of other people, their acceptance and inclusion.  the idols of things, where we place our value.  what gives us satisfaction.  where we find ourselves complaining, hurting, grieving time and again.  in those places we find our heart.  for where we dwell, our heart can be found.  more often than not, i admit my heart is found in selfishness.  vain conceit.  striving for approval.  affection.  value.

how much time can be wasted in the battlefield of the mind.  the raging war of our gods.  trying desperately to please others, striving for perfection, suppressing our truth for someone else’s comfort or ease.  but it’s never for their benefit in the end.  because untruth builds bigger barriers, walls, wounds and brokenness than existed in the first place.  if we were just honest in the beginning.  truthful in the end.  when we live to please others we fail ourselves.  we fail those we love the most.  when we war with our gods we fail the God that lives in us.

if we don’t first seek truth, how can we profess to know it?  if we’re not truthful with ourselves, how can we be honest with others?  how can we live transparently, wholeheartedly alive and awake if we’re living for someone or something else first?  if our children, husbands, and selves are second, third, or somewhere further down the ladder.  if the answer is always love, why do we endlessly search for another way?

truth is always found in the open.  by way of the light.  and living in the open is scary because it requires vulnerability.  nakedness.  it requires us to say yes to light, love, truth, honesty, forgiveness, openness, and wholeness.  ‘it’s the brave who say a prayerful yes, the brave and wise who believe that the faith-filled yes is what heals things.’ {ann voskamp}

and maybe it’s as simple as that.  the choosing yes.  saying yes.  believing yes.  every day.  every way.  when the difficult moment comes.  ‘yes.’  to truth.  to life, love, grace, peace, joy.  ‘no.’  to jealousy, competition, critical spirits, dissension and division.  to those things: you are not welcome here.  not welcome in my life, my heart, my soul, my mind.  a prayerful yes.  to all that is good.  a firm no.  to all that destroys.

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it’s the wise who find their identity in Christ.  in the perfect masterpiece created when He made you.  wholly and dearly loved.  adored.  relentlessly pursued.  and yet free.  how much more does He long for us?  we search in vain, all the while our fullness is waiting patiently by our side.  waiting for the choosing.  for our yes.

so it’s the choosing then, that’s the hardest part.  what makes our hearts flutter and our knees go weak.  when our selfish hearts want nothing more than to say no.  to grace, love, gentleness and peace.  that is when we must practice courage.  when we step out in faith and say yes.  yes to healing.  yes to grace.  it’s one of the bravest things we do.  this life is boldly designed, dear sisters.  let’s live it well.  with our whole hearts.  let us see what God can do with our tiny seeds of faith, when we have the courage to say yes.


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